It’s been a while. And, honestly, the next post I wanted to write was going to be about our 2017 travels. But then something more pertinent popped up.
In preparation for our traveling next year, we have been saving money like crazy – which is really hard with the holidays just around the corner, not to mention all the Fall birthdays in my family. I’ve been focused on giving my time and connecting instead of giving material things. And as the holidays get closer and closer I’m feeling the pressure to just spend a little bit on everyone. Through this, I’ve learned that it’s hard to see something that you-know-who would love and NOT buy it for them. I’m really trying to curtail my spending though.
Tonight I came across this article on Facebook. Has absolutely nothing to do with the gift-giving I’m speaking about, but bear with me. I promise it’s relevant.
The article is from www.whatsyourgrief.com. And this particular article discusses how the holidays during the first year after the loss of a loved one are sometimes not the hardest ones. Sometimes it’s the second year. And, in my opinion, sometimes it’s the third, fourth, eighth, or seventeenth. I feel every year it’s a little different, a little heartbreaking in a different way. But I digress.
This article delves into why that is. And if you’re interested in reading it (I recommend it), here’s the link. In its discussion of this, it states that the first holidays are usually a blur after you lose someone, especially if that loss is in the latter part of the year. Whereas, during the second year, it becomes more real, and you truly see how things have changed. (I’m paraphrasing).
This portion, of course, brings me back to January of 1998 when my dad passed away suddenly. And I start thinking that, no, he didn’t die in the latter part of the year (though I definitely don’t remember our ’98 Christmas – or most of ’98, for that matter), but also that his death blurred the PREVIOUS holiday: Christmas 1997. I mean, I was a kid, 13. My focus was not what it is today when it comes to family gatherings and such. But, SURELY, I could conjure some recollection of a gift I received that year? Or where we celebrated? Maybe something I gave? Nada.
While realizing that does make me tear up, it also brings something much more pertinent to the surface. That thing that connects the beginning of my rambling to the end: Do the gifts really matter?
I wanted to scale back giving gifts this year to save money. Now I want to scale back giving gifts this year for a different reason. Aunt so-and-so and cousin whats-his-name may not (or what do I know, they may) remember that sweater or book you gave them last year, or 7 years ago. The little ones get so many presents and they are SURELY not keeping track of who’s giving them what. Most people give gifts in hopes to show their love and appreciation of another, to see a “that’s just what I wanted” smile cross a loved one’s face. And believe me, I have a gift pile over here growing because I want to spread that same feeling to my niece and nephews. But for us grown ups…it doesn’t feel the same.
I’ve spent a lot of pre-holiday time in previous years wracking my brain trying to think of something so-and-so would love. Sometimes I have a Eureka moment, and other times I’m left annoyed and at a loss. This year I think will be different. And not because I’m trying to cut corners to fuel our trip. But because what really matters is that feeling… the ability to spread a feeling of love and appreciation. And, I’m sorry, but sometimes (maybe most times) a trinket or new article of clothing just doesn’t do it.
I hope everyone can focus on spreading that feeling. It doesn’t matter how much you spend or what gift you give (or receive). What matters is the thought and love behind it. So, don’t stress if you’re sitting there wracking your brain as well. A heart-felt note leaves more of an impact than a new anything.
Happy holidays from mine to yours!
Raising LeBar 